Online Security Fanatic Gifts

"Do you know you can do this more easily on line, Mr. Pine?"

'Where was the TSA?'

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

A Little Extra

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

"The new computer is great, but we can't get rid of the old one. It knows too much."

"Get used to verifications. In the court of the internet, you are presumed a robot until proven otherwise."

CCTV in church.

'Mommy -- Jimmy just wrote his first computer virus!'

"These targeted ads are getting out of hand."

"I think retrieving the info from that harddrive might be a little tricky."

"Hackers, Sire! They've broken through our firewall."

"Some fine day, my son, all this will be yours."

The Ayatollah Bomb?

"This is Alexander. He’ll be heading up our hacking division."

"Are you sure you updated the anti-virus software?"

'Since PRISM, nothing is 'off the record' any more.'

'It's a foolproof computer network, sir, that no one can break into, not even a kid.'

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

"Tell me when it's all cyber warfare, and I'll enlist!"

'I think I set the security level, on my anti virus software, too high. Whenever I access anything it is automatically deleted.'

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

IT security.

'Don't worry -- the security camera is for your own protection.'

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

'We'll have Bubba here check to see if we've idiot-proofed your computer.'

Holding the Line Against Terrorists with Midrange IQs

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...