Online Retail Survivor Gifts

The 2020 Black Friday

"I guess it took a pandemic to make me realize school is better than trying to learn stuff online."

"Amazon's new A.I. just 'gets' me."

Gerald Ratner's return

'We're e-bankrupt.'

Black Friday - the day the retailer is crucified

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

Buy on-line - Fill in form, Fill in form again, And again, Lose form, Fill-in form a few more times, Give up and go to shop...

"I can now fetch anything you want - on Etsy."

"I'm sorry, your grapefruit subscription ran out and I forgot to renew it."

The Evolution Of Man - Hunt and Gather/Point and Click

'I'm trying to figure out online shopping. I've found some pants I like, but I can't find a fitting room.'

"I told you it was a bad idea to buy a car online!"

'I bought this Kit Car off the Internet for $12.93. I guess you get what you pay for.'

You know retail is in a bad way when...

"I now only take orders online. Shipping is free, especially since you're my neighbor."

"Arrr! I'm a product piracy victim! Someone sold me a faked parrot!"

"It's just not the same."

We have an all volunteer workforce, and we're still losing money!

"Ah, sweatpants."

"It's a pitch spork. I bought it online."

An Amazon drone crashes into Santa's sleigh

'I bought him off the Internet. Don't be alarmed if there's a small charge on your credit card.'

'Look at our boss! I hate working for dot-coms.'

Welcome to the real world. What just happened? Where am I? The Mall. The Mall. We've been shopping – in person. Not the kind of shopping where you order things on your phone and have them sent to your house. this is the jungle! And you didn't last five minutes! You were laid out by some geezer hustling to the grocery section to get a special deal on prune juice! E-commerce has made you soft! I've got a scratch on my iPhone.

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

'Dried meat, survival set, folding spade... okay. Now I'm ready to go shopping with you.'

"If you purchased this guy's everlasting soul, here are some of his friends who may be willing to sell you theirs."

Abandon all hope of Wifi ye who enter here

'And what seems to be wrong with the sprayer, sir?'

Dot com profits chart going down into the dustbin.

"They looked smaller on the website."

"Would it make life easier if I just ordered my presents online and sent you the bill?"

The cat had figured out how to work Ebay.

e-procurement