Online Retail Employee Gifts

Fulfilment Centre.

Killer Executive Suits.

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

'She's so put together!'

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

Special offer on snakeskin ties.

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

A women in a shoeshop.

"I think I've found the most comfy jeans."

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

Friday

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

New Suit.

"How was work?"

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

New Shoes.

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"You got maybe one that smells like cheese blintzes frying?"

'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit, today, sir - a ream of paper and a half-dozen pencils.'

"Amazon's new A.I. just 'gets' me."

Hardy Annuals

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

"We need a union!'

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

Unfinished Funiture Store.

Item #3715 - cozy cardigan

Shoes Make The Man

Stationery Shop