Online Reputation Gifts

"This isn't going to look good on my website."

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

"She's all over YouTube."

Sportswasher's

Working from home to-do list.

"I mind my mother, eat my broccoli and do my homework, but you won't tell the guys, will you?"

Computer Head

"Hi, I'm Miranda: I like sniffing bums, rolling about in dead things and chasing tennis balls. . ."

"If it's any consolation, the video went viral."

Internet Commenter Magazine.

"I'm all over the Internet, so why hide? I might as well come out and enjoy myself."

'A role model? Yes, I suppose he was. Everywhere he went, people would say 'That's Bill Fenton... You don't want to be that guy!''

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, just rant about it all over the Internet."

'...I'm the only one here who's outrageously high opinion of themselves is actually justified.'

"Okay, I'll admit it. I'm only dating you so you'll follow me on social media."

"And having a gazillion fake fans? That also came from social media, Tommy."

"Sure, you used to be a YouTube sensation. But what have you done lately."

"Of course you have a 'right to your opinion'. That doesn't make it any less stupid."

"I'm sorry, but I can't hire you. I typed your name in on a search engine, and lazy, selfish, and unmotivated were the categories that came up."

"I'm afraid your son has been confusing 'your' and you're' when he mercilessly bullies his peers online."

"At last, Twitter has a button that instantly lets you express self-righteous indignation."

"What should I use for our scream name?"

"There's got to be a better way to break into show business than appearing on Hot Ones."