Online Reputation Prints

"This isn't going to look good on my website."

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

"She's all over YouTube."

'I'll be a responsible and mature asset to the company, as proven by the lack of asinine photos of me on Facebook.'

Working from home to-do list.

Sportswasher's

"I mind my mother, eat my broccoli and do my homework, but you won't tell the guys, will you?"

Computer Head

"Have you considered vlogging?"

'Sanders, our numbers on google are slipping, let's pump up the keywords.'

"Hi, I'm Miranda: I like sniffing bums, rolling about in dead things and chasing tennis balls. . ."

"I'm all over the Internet, so why hide? I might as well come out and enjoy myself."

'This is really going to tarnish his legacy, Al.'

I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."

"If it's any consolation, the video went viral."

Internet Commenter Magazine.

'A role model? Yes, I suppose he was. Everywhere he went, people would say 'That's Bill Fenton... You don't want to be that guy!''

'I'm just updating my Facebook profile.'

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, just rant about it all over the Internet."

'I often commit the sin of pride, Reverend. I imagine myself being googled.'

Facebookdead

"Of course you have a 'right to your opinion'. That doesn't make it any less stupid."

'...I'm the only one here who's outrageously high opinion of themselves is actually justified.'

"And having a gazillion fake fans? That also came from social media, Tommy."

"Okay, I'll admit it. I'm only dating you so you'll follow me on social media."

"I would like some facebook friends for Christmas."

"Sure, you used to be a YouTube sensation. But what have you done lately."

"I have 1,8000 friends on facebook....and you want a college degree?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't hire you. I typed your name in on a search engine, and lazy, selfish, and unmotivated were the categories that came up."

'It appears your son has a tweeting disorder'

"I'm afraid your son has been confusing 'your' and you're' when he mercilessly bullies his peers online."

"What should I use for our scream name?"

I was going to make you a rich woman, but you're done. Fine with me. I don't care what percentage I'll get. I won't let you play with my reputation. I won't let you trade in fake scandal. Perfect. What? We got your anger on videotape. Your redemption is complete. You're back on the air. Even my head is spinning.

That rant of yours about how nobody has any privacy anymore just showed up on YouTube.

"Look! He slamming us on Yelp! Beat him to the punch and troll him on Twitter!"