Online Instructor Gifts

Before we continue... Jackson, please ask your father to put on a bathrobe. Cierra, I still can't see you. Try wuping the hummus off of your camera."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

A boy is sat at a desk, with five plaques implying different qualifications he has earned from using social media.

Pajama Day 743

'You don't have to worry about my future any more- I just downloaded an entire college education.'

'Irwin graduates from an online course today.'

Kirsten Johnson

'Leadership training.'

'I finished my homework, and half my college freshman courses.'

'Relax, dad, I haven't been in a classroom for months because all my college classes are online!'

"Thanks to the Internet, I learned to ride a bike. Since I was bored, I also got my pilot's license."

Dept. of Engineering. It's a well-written paper, but a "gyroscope" is not a device for looking at tiny Greek sandwiches.

"Why are all of your answers so mechanical?"

University. I never really understood geometry until the instructor brought up pizzas.

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

2 + 2 = 4. 2 x 2 = 4. Oh, I get it! It's a Zen thing!

'There's one app we can't give you ... aptitude.'

'Professor Higgenbottom will have the number π and I'll have the number √-i.'

"And before leaving virtual class today be sure and hit that like button!"

Professor Isaac goes off on another tangent.

"This is a teaching hospital."

Psychology Dept. Faculty Evaluations Today. I can't tell if it's my id or my ego, but I'm really craving a promotion.

'Forget everything I told you about flying.'

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

What will be the worst part about your first semester of college being online classes only? My little brother will be my freshman year roommate!

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

"And when the little hand gets to the nine, it means... ah, just check your cell phones."

Physics 101. An object in motion remaining in motion is an example of what law? Easy come, easy go!

School Supply Room. Look at this -- a calculator, a protractor and a compass! You've discovered the missing weapons of math instruction!

Creative Writing 101. When it comes to writing lean, simple prose, there's the wrong way, the right way and the Hemingway.

"Be careful, dear. People tend to lose control when faced with the newfound freedom of their first year of tenure."

Tiddles completes his doctorate.

"… and once you've finished advanced infantry training, you'll be assigned to film school."

" 'How I Spent My Sabbatical,' by Professor Harvey Brinkman."

"I just finished my on-line food safety course!"