Online Humorist Gifts

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

'I'm held accountable for my diagnoses by the friends in my chat room.'

Catroom.

"There's no such thing as a stupid question -- There are, however, stupid Google searches."

'Why do I always get un-friended? I'm a nice troll.'

The Power of Social Media: 'Keep up the good work.'

"You shouldn't be so self critical, that's what social media is for."

"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."

'Why in the world do you want to log on to the vet doctor. who did a 'fix' job on you?!'

Anti-social networking

'Can I have a few minutes to update my profile page?'

'Let's just say you've unfriended the wrong person!'

'It's ok - he's online.'

Cat Yelp.

Don't get cocky - He "followed" me, too.

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

Whoever said "Brevity is the soul of wit" must have not read many tweets!

"On day 11, Moses runs out of Tweets."

"How can you just sit there like that, knowing social networks might wither and die without you?"

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"OMG, LOL!"

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"Did you get my tweet?"

Man runs into Bigfoot taking a selfie.

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"Will follow you on social media for food."

"She looks just like in your photos."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

Chasebook

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'