Online Discourse Gifts

3 Minutes since you totally overreacted to someone's online post

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

The Proust of Twitter

"Teleconferencing makes it just like they're in the room with us - things are unclear and difficult to understand."

'Don't bite. They're trolling again.'

Blog Breakdown

I've founded my own religion. Of course you have, Rudy. It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths. If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted. What are the central tenets of your religion? A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation.

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

Too many people post comments in the heat of anger. They strike while the ire is hot!

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comment section just solved the Middle East crisis."

The First Asshole

"How's your lowrider blog going?"

"Not now, honey. Daddy's arguing with strangers about the sexual orientation of puppets."

"I can tell you about this article or you can just read the comments online."

"I learned my social skills on social media. . . what's it to you anyway you stupid cow?!"

"Thank you for participating in this poll, but because your answers do not coincide with your social media rantings, you're obviously lying."

"Whatever the politicians might decide, I'm well prepared because I've got enough hate comments for the next five years!"

"Great! Now I'm torn between whether to post rants on X or Meta."

"No need to Whatsapp me dear, I'm right here."

"I just wish I hadn't spent most of my life reading the comments below online news articles"

Every man and his dog gets to have an opinion on social media.

Maybe Those Bots Can Be Used for Good

"If God had meant for man to interact rationally He wouldn't have given them internet forums."

'I didn't know there WAS an 'idle gossip dot com.''

"Bile exits the gallbladder, passes through the cystic duct, gets released into the intestines, and, ultimately, winds up on the Internet."

"You never told me what you thought of 'Wolverine.'" "I was waiting." "For what?" "For the consensus." "My own immediate reaction to any piece of entertainment could be biased. I need to read tweets and posts before I settle on a verdict." "If my view differs too much from the hive mind, it's not valid."

"The hive mind has reached a consensus about 'Wolverine'."

"I've got about 20 pages of questionable internet comments here."

"They were my friends until I raised a controversial issue on social media."

The Twitter logo with its mouth taped shut

'This is fun, Dad -- I'm in a flame war with Vladimir Putin!'

So Many Exceptions There Are No Community Standards

"He seems to have drifted from online activism to couch-based complacency."

I'm making extra money offering services on that freelance jobs site exploitrr.com. What're you offering, little buddy? Book promotion? Logo design? Backup services. For just $5 per thread, I'll back you up in all your online arguments. I suspect you're going to make a killing. I'll post things like you sure told him! And you're brilliant, total stranger!

This week on Youtube, I counted 150,360 comments beneath 178 "Star Trek: Discovery" reviews. That's amazing. Yeah. And 49% of those comments were people saying the show is unwatchable. 1% of the comments are people asking if the show's unwatchable, how come you've been commenting on every episode and you're still here at episode 11? 50% of the comments are praise for the show. 30% of that 50% of the comments is from people pointing out that they used to only be 40%. I'm not sure the math god san