On-hold Survivor Gifts

"Please stay on the line for the next available agent - unless, of course, you are feeling tired, very tired, or maybe hungry. . ."

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

Desert Island BBQ

'Time for your pills.'

Tourist in the desert

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"I'll have someone come in and prep you for the bill."

"Please fill out these forms. We don't need them for anything, but you're making me nervous staring at your watch."

'What's the diagnosis?' - '*Cough*' - 'It's not good, I'm afraid.' - 'Tell me. I have to know.' - 'You have man flu, Peel.' - 'Why, God? Why?!!' - 'I'm so sorry.' -

'We're in a hurry.'

'Look at the bright side. Think of our mutual funds going up, up, up!'

"Your condition appears to have deteriorated considerably since your last cheque bounced."

"Who would've thought Ms. Marcus had so little sense of humor?"

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

Tax grab.

"The thing with tiny kitchens is it's all about stacking, patience and resenting all your previous life choices."

'I sure hope you're a marriage counselor.'

'Thank you for calling the IRS... Press one for laughter in the background, press two for crying in the background.'

'The hospital food was terrible, but the savings were substantial.'

"Yes, I'm still on hold and counting the billable minutes."

Life in Lockdown: Working from Home (The Video Zoom Call)

A marooned man builds a swing set from his lone palm tree.

'I'll be right with you as soon as I feed Buzzy.'

'Well, good morning Mr. Daniel, have a seat in our waiting room.'

'My wife didn't leave me after all -- She just drove to the airport to pick up her mother.'

'I don't know when I've seen it so humid.'

Job centre - casual jobs; rotten, insecure low-paid jobs;dull, boring, repetitive jobs; Jobs that no-one in their right mind would consider.

White flag being waved through the door of the Internal Revenue Service.

'The tide goes out along way, doesn't it?'

'We got your test results back. Read it and weep.' Bedside bloopers

Adam and Eve tempted by apple in hazmat suits.

"That which doesn't kill you might give you stomach trouble."

"Yeah, but it's okay because they'll never take me alive again."

'Relax - this is only tax hell.'