Old Testament Comedian Gifts

'He promises us manna and give us commandments - Classic bait-and-switch!'

"Guess who brought king cake!"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'Yes, all at once!'

"Well, we needed the rain."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Please! No harmonizing during ululations!"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

'You realize, of course, there's a seven-day waiting period.'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

'Adam and Eve in the garden of Sweden'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

'We'd better speed up the Eve project -- Adam's got himself an imaginary playmate.'

St. Elmo's fired.

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Wow! It didn't take long to lose that new ark smell.'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

The Older Testament: An Origin Story

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

"It's got 128 KB of Ram, 64 KB or Rom, and a spell checker for when you invent writing."