Old News Enthusiast Pillows

"Papers late again, Murphy?"

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

UK border controls relaxed.

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Meet the Enemy

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

"Why don't you ever fetch anything good like a pizza?"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

Reporter #6: television.

Idlib, Syria - The final stage

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Capital Tours

Trump Destroying U.S. the Postal Service

'There's no delete key. You have to use the board eraser.'

Classic News.

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

Big Newspaper Delivery

As you can see, media coverage at this event is very heavy...

'You've been killing files again.'

Charades

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

'According to the latest poll, 64% of the public don't pay any attention to polls...'

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

'Do you know what I miss? - Chalk talks!'

"You can't believe everything the Russian bots tell you."