Office Sleuth T-Shirts

'You think Simmons is on drugs?'

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

$1: Family Secrets

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'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

Help!!! I've been kidnapped - Your Money.

The Modern Godot

'Today, the market did the 'Ol' Dipsy, but recovered in the 'Doodle'.'

'Oh my God! You look like you've see the FTSE.'

'We don't have anyone here by that name. Was he perhaps using one of his aliases?'

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

Secret Service Dogs

'Harlow, do you wnat to be part of the problem or part of the coverup?'

"Our stock is down. Start some rumors on Wall Street that it's going up."

"Find out who put a 100 dollar bill in the suggestion box. This person has potential!"

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

"Password must contain at least one pictograph."

'This morning a rumor that we would buy the Arpex Corp drove our stock up $3. Around noon a rumor that Arpex would buy us drove it up another $3. And in the afternoon a rumor that wo have nothing to do with Arpex drove it up $3 more.'

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

What security flaw?

Two men converse secretively

'Always bought low.'

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

'And what if I did doctor the documents? I'm a doctor.'

'Nice try buddy, but we know the score. You were involved, but you only played a small part. What we want to know is who orchestrated this thing.'

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

"I'm all for security, but you having an 80-factor authentication may be a little over the top."

"We do have an opening for a whistleblower, but it's only a temporary position."

'Remember, all these security cameras are for YOUR protection...otherwise, I'd come over there and smack you.'

'I don't get it, the company's made money, but I don't see any.'

"Just sniff around – see what you can find out."