Office Sleuth T-Shirts

'You think Simmons is on drugs?'

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

$1: Family Secrets

Clickbait

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

Help!!! I've been kidnapped - Your Money.

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

CIA. Office of Disinformation. Please Use Other Door.

'Today, the market did the 'Ol' Dipsy, but recovered in the 'Doodle'.'

The Modern Godot

'Oh my God! You look like you've see the FTSE.'

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

'We don't have anyone here by that name. Was he perhaps using one of his aliases?'

"Our stock is down. Start some rumors on Wall Street that it's going up."

"Find out who put a 100 dollar bill in the suggestion box. This person has potential!"

'This morning a rumor that we would buy the Arpex Corp drove our stock up $3. Around noon a rumor that Arpex would buy us drove it up another $3. And in the afternoon a rumor that wo have nothing to do with Arpex drove it up $3 more.'

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

Secret Service Dogs

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

'Harlow, do you wnat to be part of the problem or part of the coverup?'

"Password must contain at least one pictograph."

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

What security flaw?

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

I'm loving the phone hacking scandal. I love it when ne'er-do-wells use technology to steal personal information. Because you like when people suffer. No. Because I love it when technology is proven as evil. Spare me. Technology is not evil. People are evil. Computers don't hack people. People hack people. Macs hack, Macs hack! You watch your mouth, filthy human! Fight, fight …

'Always bought low.'

Two men converse secretively

'And what if I did doctor the documents? I'm a doctor.'

'Nice try buddy, but we know the score. You were involved, but you only played a small part. What we want to know is who orchestrated this thing.'

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

"I'm all for security, but you having an 80-factor authentication may be a little over the top."

"We do have an opening for a whistleblower, but it's only a temporary position."

"Just sniff around – see what you can find out."

'I don't get it, the company's made money, but I don't see any.'