Office Samurai Gifts

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

In basket-case.

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

Overworked in the office

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"We've decided your suggestion to have a day care center here at work has merit."

Airport. Luggage. Baggage. Traveling used to be much less complicated.

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

"That arrow always goes to the bottom when I walk by."

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

"We should have taken the cubicles."

"I think I'll have the businessman's lunch."

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

Suggestions box in a toilet.

"Do you think we should look again at who we invite to these meetings?"

'I'm sorry, Henderson - But profits are down and we have to make sacrifices.'