Office Rivalry Aficionado Pillows

Foam Finger Envy

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

You were warned about mixed marriages.

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'When training my son, keep him totally ignorant. I'm grooming him to be VP in-charge-of -denials.'

Bernie the Monday morning quarterback meets David the Monday morning linebacker.

Scapegoat of the Year

'Underestimate him at your own risk. When he first came here, everybody laughed and said he didn't have a snowball's chance. Now he's our regional supervisor. Go figure!'

"Nobody is to blame until we pick someone."

'Here you are, Simmons!'

"So how did the rest of the team respond to your promotion?"

"For God's sake, just split the last donut!"

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

"Anyone else see weaknesses in my report?"

'You are smarter, faster and more efficient than Carter... they's why I'm making you the new assistant to Carter!'

"I need to catch you after the meeting."

'Miss Pringle, I run a tight ship! What is this piece of paper doing on my desk?'

'Who cares what she thinks? Grow a pair and buy the damn thing.'

"You scratch my back, I'll scratch your is just a figure of speech, Ned. A little left, and higher."

"Congratulations. I'm promoting you from 'Yes Man' to 'Vice President in Charge of Affirmation.'"

'Do you still wonder how Kevin got his promotion to VP?!'

'The boss is taking me along for a working vacation. I'll be doing his work while he has fun.'

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

'Not my short list, O'Neil! You're on my other list!

Buck Stops Here

Unfortunately, Lyle had already sent nasty e-mails to his boss, three vice-presidents and the CEO.

'Looks like Kryson is no longer in the inner circle.'

'I'll crunch the numbers and get back to you.'

'Me? Morale Officer? --Why do you always pick on ME?'

'How could anyone think that this department is under staffed?'