Office Wrestling Foes Pillows

"Calm down, I'm just using the rules of modern competition."

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"Fine - you don't want to run in the corporate 5K - I get it. What about the corporate cage fighting team?"

'You're developing a reputation as something of a cowboy, Henderson.'

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

'Great job at today's meeting, Dunwoody. You're finally discovering your own voice as a yes-man!'

Darren had lost his edge as a 'yes' man...

'I'm still not sure HOW it happened. One minute, we were bouncing ideas off each other, and the next thing I knew, we were using furniture instead!'

High Noon at the O.K. Staff Meeting

To determine which department would be awarded the Billings contract, employees agreed to play a best-of-five dodgeball tournament.

"It's somehow comforting to witness a revival of the classics in motivational technique."

Do not think outside the box!

"For God's sake, just split the last donut!"

"If you're wondering why you've been chosen 'Employee of the week,' it's because your work load is about to increase, while your pay remains the same."

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

'Sorry, you failed the aptitude test.' -'Thankfully I own the company.'

Run, Mike, Run!

"I have a very demanding job. The boss is always demanding I work late."

'My God! It's Hastings, Van Witten, Rosten and Traver, Inc!'

'Not my short list, O'Neil! You're on my other list!

"What do you mean Halloween ISN'T a paid holiday off?!"

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

"The holidays are finished George, get over it!"

"The chairman said he wanted to see you when you got out of hospital."

'And I see that Derek continues to ignore our company's dress code...'

'I can't figure out whether I'm a secretary or an executive - I do executive work, but get secretarial pay.'

"You've bust your hump."

"Yeah? Well, tell him that in this company Gandhi-like resistance wouldn't have worked for Gandhi, either."