Office Rival Pillows

'Not my short list, O'Neil! You're on my other list!

"It's vitally important to me that we beat the other elevator."

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

'What's wrong now?'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

'You're developing a reputation as something of a cowboy, Henderson.'

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

Darren had lost his edge as a 'yes' man...

"Hank brings five years of top sales experience to our team so lets try to make him feel welcome as he makes you all look bad."

Do not think outside the box!

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

"For God's sake, just split the last donut!"

Bureau of the Damned

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

'But before we move on, allow me to belabor the point even further...'

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

'Sorry, you failed the aptitude test.' -'Thankfully I own the company.'

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'

"I'm going in."

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

"The holidays are finished George, get over it!"

Bring your problems to work day.

'And I see that Derek continues to ignore our company's dress code...'

"It's no good Charlie, I'm done for! You've got to go it alone, Charlie. You've got to go on and nail that presentation! Nail it for me!"

STRIP Hambone: Looking at problems

"I pride myself on being able to walk that fine line between misdemeanor and felony."

"Yeah? Well, tell him that in this company Gandhi-like resistance wouldn't have worked for Gandhi, either."

"When I make a joke, that light will turn on. That's your cue to laugh."