Office Quarterback Gifts

'Courtney, send in someone who knows a zig from a zag.'

Bernie the Monday morning quarterback meets David the Monday morning linebacker.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

A fight in the Boardroom.

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

In many ways this is the perfect job! Out. Out.

Politicians' basements (as seen on TV)

'Office Woofers. For the quiet and obnoxious boss.'

"Always remember...it takes teamwork to get me that promotion!"

Lumbar support animal

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

"Well, all the symptoms of just another typical case of burnout, I'm afraid."

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

'I can't give you a raise, a promotion or a bigger office, but I AM going to allow you to have a personality.'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

"The boss can see you now."

"What's the problem? We told you when you started you'd have to make some sacrifices."

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

'Would you all please congatulate...'

"Fine - you don't want to run in the corporate 5K - I get it. What about the corporate cage fighting team?"

"It's my intelligence, talent and hard work that have got me to the top."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

'I didn't come in to hear that I'm burning the candle at both ends. I came for more wax.'

Stop saying 'You're the boss' I KNOW I'm the boss!

'Don't blame yourself, Jenkins... let me do that!'

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'