Office Humor Gift Gifts

This is the man we hired to 'dream up' ideas.

'Of course, in the long term we'll all be extinct.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Bo're'droom

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'The sunglasses idea would have worked if you hadn't started snoring.'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"