Office Humor Gifts Gifts

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

Bo're'droom

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

'Salaries Manager. No.'

'The sunglasses idea would have worked if you hadn't started snoring.'

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"