Office Humor Gift Pillows

This is the man we hired to 'dream up' ideas.

'Of course, in the long term we'll all be extinct.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

Bo're'droom

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'The sunglasses idea would have worked if you hadn't started snoring.'

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

Gay Times...

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"