Office Executive Gifts

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

Family size, economy size, giant size

Pirate sits below picture of 'our founder'.

Boss with various animal heads on wall, one is a man.

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Where your mind & battle are los

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Now that I have your attention...'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.