Office Buddy Gifts

'Actually, I don't know who this is. They came with the frame.'

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

"Dave, quick word about religious symbols in the workplace..."

ZZZZ. You think Ernie has a good head for business? It makes a good paperweight.

"If you check your voicemail you'll find I can be even more annoying than I am in person."

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

Bob's lazy eye was getting worse - staying home, lying in bed and watching soaps all day.

'I went for a walk this morning...' - 'I ran 20 miles... uphill.' - '...and I had bran flakes for breakfast.' - 'Yeah, well I ate 19 sausages, 3 melons, and a horse.' - 'I'm going for a pee.' - 'I swear I could flood this place!!'

"This is Harold. Harold is part of nature's food chain."

'As far as clock watching goes, you take the biscuit.'

'Always the wise guy.'

"Did you read this report? The average member of staff takes 19 minutes for lunch!"

"I really don't like downsizing. This is no fun without a secretary to sneak past."

"I'm introducing EXTREME casual Fridays."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

'What's wrong now?'

'Office Woofers. For the quiet and obnoxious boss.'

In many ways this is the perfect job! Out. Out.

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Lumbar support animal

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

"Well, all the symptoms of just another typical case of burnout, I'm afraid."

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'I can't give you a raise, a promotion or a bigger office, but I AM going to allow you to have a personality.'

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

'Would you all please congatulate...'

"What's the problem? We told you when you started you'd have to make some sacrifices."

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'