Offbeat Investors Gifts

"How do ya like that? They rejected our request that they build the new stadium out here!"

An astronaut fishes in volcanoes on another planet.

Symbols of Wall St: bull, bear, Humpty Dumpty.

'Nothing like being your own boss, huh?'

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

Markets and Marketabilityby Jane Austen

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

'I offer a service to combat your employees' afternoon drowsiness.'

"I got napkins, family photos, and the strongest lip balm in the city."

"Would you like to buy a commemorative photo of your firing?"

I was more a financial magician myself. I could make money disappear very easily.

'Thank goodness we don't need profits in order to make piles of money.'

'How about a romantic caper about two lost souls who meet and find happiness investing in mutual funds.'

'We're expecting stocks to rally but we don't know which ones and when.'

"We found this in your brain."

The Tooth Accountant

"Do we look like investors in high-tech funds to you?"

Man runs with a fox and fishing hook.

Yearbook photos from Miss Bubble's Hair Styling School.

Help! Author of the best-selling book, 'How to invest' - but lost it all in the stock market.

"Reinvesting all profits from this gym into a string of donut shops is job security."

"For clients with an extremely low risk tolerance, I recommend they talk to someone with a ground-floor office."

'What do you mean there's no specific rule that forbids a center fielder from doing that?'

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'

"Repent! Or your return on investment shall wither and there will be great wailing and gnashing of teeth in Accounts Receivable."

The world can fry like a chip and end tomorrow as far as I'm concerned! I've made sure all my money is safe.

Worst person to invest with...

'On Wall Street today, ther was good news if you're a masochist.'

Jeff discovered a new bank account where his money would always be safe.

"He's always had a fascination with the hard drinking,hard living writer,the tortured genius. It's an image he's tried to emulate. Unfortunately he's only ever managed the first two parts." "I can't <hic> feel my face."

"on the contrary, the fund's performance has been quite good when viewed in dog's years."

"Your 'Luddite Fund' is up 20% this year, but its Yelp reviews are very negative."

Opinion poll. I don't know if I'm politicall right or left, but everybody seems to think I'd definitely off-center.

"I hear he came into some money."