Offbeat Investors Gifts

An astronaut fishes in volcanoes on another planet.

Symbols of Wall St: bull, bear, Humpty Dumpty.

'Nothing like being your own boss, huh?'

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

Markets and Marketabilityby Jane Austen

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"Would you like to buy a commemorative photo of your firing?"

"I got napkins, family photos, and the strongest lip balm in the city."

'Thank goodness we don't need profits in order to make piles of money.'

I was more a financial magician myself. I could make money disappear very easily.

'I offer a service to combat your employees' afternoon drowsiness.'

'How about a romantic caper about two lost souls who meet and find happiness investing in mutual funds.'

'We're expecting stocks to rally but we don't know which ones and when.'

"We found this in your brain."

The Tooth Accountant

Yearbook photos from Miss Bubble's Hair Styling School.

"Do we look like investors in high-tech funds to you?"

Help! Author of the best-selling book, 'How to invest' - but lost it all in the stock market.

"Reinvesting all profits from this gym into a string of donut shops is job security."

Man runs with a fox and fishing hook.

"For clients with an extremely low risk tolerance, I recommend they talk to someone with a ground-floor office."

'What do you mean there's no specific rule that forbids a center fielder from doing that?'

"Repent! Or your return on investment shall wither and there will be great wailing and gnashing of teeth in Accounts Receivable."

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'

The world can fry like a chip and end tomorrow as far as I'm concerned! I've made sure all my money is safe.

Worst person to invest with...

'On Wall Street today, ther was good news if you're a masochist.'

"He's always had a fascination with the hard drinking,hard living writer,the tortured genius. It's an image he's tried to emulate. Unfortunately he's only ever managed the first two parts." "I can't <hic> feel my face."

Jeff discovered a new bank account where his money would always be safe.

"on the contrary, the fund's performance has been quite good when viewed in dog's years."

"Your 'Luddite Fund' is up 20% this year, but its Yelp reviews are very negative."

"I hear he came into some money."