Offbeat Wealth Strategist Gifts

'I see you've listed your assets as totaling 100,000, but that's based on counting the street value of your organs,'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

Will work for ETFs

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

'Walk softly and carry a large credit line.'

The early days of Warren Buffett.

'These are tough times for wall street tycoons...the best we can do is laugh half-way to the banks.'

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."

'Life, liberty & the pursuit of tax shelters.'

Pound sign in an hourglass.

'I realize money can't buy happiness, so I'm just trying to improve the exchange rate.'

'I've begun spreading my wealth to offshore accounts.'

"I'm going to look for a mortgage...I may be some time!"

"That wasn't supposed to happen!!"

'The tropical tax haven where he offshored his business was just hit by a tsunami.'

Security/Savings

Tax Shelters of the Rich and Famous.

'Reinvent yourself. You write off the whole thing as a business expense!'

'Prof. Sigurdt has made giant strides in making genetic engineering profitable.'

'I did well while good news was bad news. Then good news became good news--and that was bad news.'

'We have a faith-based pension plan... You just have to pray it will still be there when you retire.'

'No, you can't fake your own death and leave all your money to yourself.'

Feeding at the Trough

Zen Wall Street.

"Someday this will all be yours, or so you think until you find out at my last will and testament that I left everything to my hot, young trophy wife and you curse my soul to eternal damnation."

'It looks like your pension gap is finally catching up with us!'

'He prefers smoking cash to injecting it.'

'Investments in money funds increased this month on news it TAKES money to MAKE money.'

'We were just keeping up with the Joneses. How was I supposed to know the Joneses were keeping up with the Rockefellers?'

"This morning, I looked into the mirror and said to myself, 'Bruce, you're a billionaire. It's time to stop horsing around and enjoy life a little.' "

"My kids may hate me, but my great-great-grandkids are going to love me."

World Economic Forum

'Wait a minute....!

"My whole goddam MacArthur is in Nasdaq."