Offbeat Artist Gifts

"He's always had a fascination with the hard drinking,hard living writer,the tortured genius. It's an image he's tried to emulate. Unfortunately he's only ever managed the first two parts." "I can't <hic> feel my face."

Yearbook photos from Miss Bubble's Hair Styling School.

"Ahhh... close enough."

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

Imagine

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

'Nothing like being your own boss, huh?'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

Interpretive napping

Off Off Off Off Broadway

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

'Hand these out to the workforce.'

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"Would you like to buy a commemorative photo of your firing?"

'Have a good day? No thank you. I had other plans.'

'I offer a service to combat your employees' afternoon drowsiness.'

'I envisioned them praying to something entirely different.'

Sinlge-white-male seeking single-female who enjoys, silence, long long walks, and scorpions.

"I got napkins, family photos, and the strongest lip balm in the city."

'You said you went to night classes to draw birds, and when I asked whether they had clothes on and you said they didn't - you know I didn't expect this!'

'So the little boy who missed his bedtime was eaten by the awful slimy monster and was never heard from again.'

Bottom House

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

"How much do you want off the top?"

"We found this in your brain."

"You're going to fit right in here at the firm."

Disued Lighting - Heating - Cooking.

"We're here!"

'Now THERE'S a friendship I've never quite understood. That's Ludwig van Beethoven on the left, with Harvey Fernquist, the inventor of telephone 'hold' music!'

'Sir, the Arctic offseason is 24-hour night, and the temperature below zero!'

Man runs with a fox and fishing hook.

'Sorry... I should've warned you. In our company, we're encouraged to color outside the lines!'

"I didn't send for a music teacher."

'What do you mean there's no specific rule that forbids a center fielder from doing that?'

Bad vibes next 3 miles.