Offbeat Artist Gifts

"He's always had a fascination with the hard drinking,hard living writer,the tortured genius. It's an image he's tried to emulate. Unfortunately he's only ever managed the first two parts." "I can't <hic> feel my face."

Yearbook photos from Miss Bubble's Hair Styling School.

"Ahhh... close enough."

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

Imagine

'Nothing like being your own boss, huh?'

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

Interpretive napping

Off Off Off Off Broadway

'Hand these out to the workforce.'

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

'Have a good day? No thank you. I had other plans.'

"I got napkins, family photos, and the strongest lip balm in the city."

"Would you like to buy a commemorative photo of your firing?"

'I envisioned them praying to something entirely different.'

'I offer a service to combat your employees' afternoon drowsiness.'

'You said you went to night classes to draw birds, and when I asked whether they had clothes on and you said they didn't - you know I didn't expect this!'

Sinlge-white-male seeking single-female who enjoys, silence, long long walks, and scorpions.

'So the little boy who missed his bedtime was eaten by the awful slimy monster and was never heard from again.'

Bottom House

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

"How much do you want off the top?"

"We found this in your brain."

'Sorry... I should've warned you. In our company, we're encouraged to color outside the lines!'

"We're here!"

'Now THERE'S a friendship I've never quite understood. That's Ludwig van Beethoven on the left, with Harvey Fernquist, the inventor of telephone 'hold' music!'

Man runs with a fox and fishing hook.

'Sir, the Arctic offseason is 24-hour night, and the temperature below zero!'

"You're going to fit right in here at the firm."

Disued Lighting - Heating - Cooking.

'What do you mean there's no specific rule that forbids a center fielder from doing that?'

Bad vibes next 3 miles.

'Creative meeting. I hope you're taking this seriously.'