Off-licence Goer Gifts

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'Well, I got a hunting license and a fishing license and by golly I'm going to use them.'

"Good evening, sir, may I see your drinking licence please?"

Prehistoric Peeps: Even the 'Derby' had its primeval counterpart.

'I need both hands for steering.'

'The penguin is upset...'

"This time it's curtains for you, Black Bart!"

'Darlin', what's an adjective for a two-timin', heart-breakin' outlaw that rhymes with iPod?'

"Watch yourself, stranger. I've got an itchy trigger finger."

What to do if the kids take away your car.

"His teacher says he'll be as famous as Dick Turpin one day."

"Says here underage kids can get a hardship license if they have a legitimate reason to drive a car."

Some mistakenly think 'HOV Lane' means Hot Occupant Vehicles.

"Do you have anywhere our friends won't have discovered?"

Ned Kelly's (an Australian outlaw) continual problem.

In-law country

"Don't cry this time, it is off putting."

"I've got a dog licence. Will that do?"

"I don't recognize the first two fellers, but I'm pretty sure the one on the right is the Hop-A-Long Kid."

Ain't No One Ever Messed With Cactus Arm Johnson

Cactus in desert with gun!

'May I help you?' - 'Yes, can you recommend a Chardonnay?' - 'Hmmm... Not really, I don't drink wine.' - 'Why do you work in an off licence if you don't drink?' - 'I suffer from congenital irony.' - 'Ah.' -

'No license? You mean you're an illegal Beagle?'

'Wanna bet they don't have telly licences?'

How's my Driving ? - Not that I give a fuck.

'Maybe you weren't meant to teach.'

'Look, Tex. You've gone viral.'

"I always thought of myself as a romantic, dashing-outlaw sort of person. But, alas, the law makes no distinction between that and a common criminal."

'I stopped for the last stop sign... I just didn't want to go through all that again.'

"Our class is studying Henry Starr, Jesse James, and Bonnie and Clyde. We weren't going to, but since the mask thing..."