License Enthusiast Gifts

'No license? You mean you're an illegal Beagle?'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

Welcome to the Team

Wal-Mart Ruling

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

"Good evening, sir, may I see your drinking licence please?"

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'The penguin is upset...'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'Hello. My father is an attorney. This is how I allegedly spent my summer vacation.'

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

"Impartiality becomes you."

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

'I need both hands for steering.'

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

'Squint your eyes and grit your teeth so I can make sure it's you.'

Counsel examining witness

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of multiculturalism.'

Trump Indicted

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

'Mom, instead of reading me my rights tonight, how about reading me a fairy tale.'

'It's bad enough I get overrules at home... why here also, Sharon?'

“Don’t underestimate his lawyers. They went to Harvard.”

'The trouble with this country is that it is impossible to be completely legal.'

'Whoops! Get my lawyer on the phone!'

'I need to see your restraining order.'

"Truth, whole truth, nothing but the truth? I'm not ready for that much of a commitment."

' Even though you can't make heads or tails out of it, let me assure you, it is, heads we win, tails they lose.'

'Please do not try this at home, unless you have a strong alibi and a brilliant lawyer.'

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"