Odds Beater Gifts

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

'We need you to settle a bet -- was 'Twilight Zone' a sitcom or a documentary?'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

Dept of Probability: Maybe, Possibly, Perhaps.

'Get an afterlife!'

Post Game Day Betting.

"I'll give you 3 to 1 nobody else turns up."

'You've become unbearable since you started working in that betting shop!'

"And finally for the record, the clerk of the court has odds of 6-4 guilty, 2-1 not guilty..."

An affair to remember.

'There's a horse in the next race called 'Taxman' - he MUST win!'

Casino. Ask about our frequent take-a-flyer program.

Handicap Parking Only - Ticket Odds 4 to 1.

-Yipee! He's well out in front! -You do realize they're only going down to the start!

WIZARD OF ODDS...gambling, lottery consultant.

"I like the look of this steamer in the 2.30."

"He's giving 3-1 Magic Spider in the 230."

'You say that one day you win and the next day you lose? Why don't you bet on alternate days?'

I'm sorry, the pension fund was beaten by two lengths!

Gambler's Anonymous - "What are the odds on my recovery?"

Little guy using telescope to see past a big guy blocking his view in the crowd,

Probability: 10,000-1, 150-1, 6-1, 2-5, 1-20, 50-1, 10,000-1.

'His horse came in at 100 to 1 - last!'

"10/1 says I lose the next bet."

'The bad news is that your monthly payment will be $24,089.23. The good news is that it will never increase.'

I like the look of that 'Trojan Boy'.

Hare and the tortoise race odds.

'We may have done better if the jockey had carried the horse round!'

'It's a fight between me and the world,' - 'I'll have a twenty on the world,'

-How about a fiver on that number three? -Ok, but to be safe,it better be each-way!

Risk assessment offered to punters.

"Obviously, They Had Too Many Refrigerator Magnets."