Oddity Seeker Gifts

'I was wondering if you could take this box of squirrels and make something cool with them, like a wolf?'

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

"Do you wanna hear something really weird?"

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

Peak Beard/High Peak Beard

'Mary, I believe in historic preservation, too, but ... '

Storage Unit of Love

Victoria's secret lovers: Barry, Al, Percy.

'Passengers were on their way to a clown convention. We've 7 fatalities and 174 in hospital.'

Odd Spas

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"Worse than giant clothespins, Ralph - Bauhaus designed alligators!"

"I get that you're cold, but does he also have to eat all our meals with us?"

"Why can't you bring me a rodent like a normal cat?"

Unnatural History Museum

How can you read that comic strip Blondie? Its about a kinder, simpler time. It's about ancient history. They do the same material over and over. Exactly. I can count on it. Not like your stupid Pearls and Get fuzzy. Oooh, look how angry and edgy they are. They're sooo clever! Your whole gig is being angry and edgy. Look, I'm setting Candorville on fire.

Too Weird to Have a Husband

Sinlge-white-male seeking single-female who enjoys, silence, long long walks, and scorpions.

"Bad drawing."

With the evening all to herself, Kate put on her 'UPS Drivers Gone Wild' video.

I brake for anything discarded that I can bring to the Antiques Roadshow

"Nicole, Kyle, would you guys burn my yearbook?"

Notice in desert - Wrong Cartoon Ahead

"Drinking home alone, I think he may have a problem."

Can I help you? I need some sneakers. Sale. Okay. We've got ones for running, jogging, walking, basketball, tennis, pickleball, hiking, cross-training, golf, bowling, volleyball, squash, badminton, jumproping, racquetball, skateboarding, climbing. What activity best describes your needs? What do you think, Ernie? Was "ottomanning" a choice?

"It's getting harder and harder to be different around here."

'Quite frankly, Mr. Bayliss, you've got us baffled.'

"Ok, Monica, here's where it gets weird."

Community Bed de Luxe

"The inspector's not getting older. He's getting odder."

Fido's begging days were over.

'That's alright Kenny, your dipstick says you've still got half a tank left...'

Live goldfish for sale

Happy Birthday Party for flies in a urinal.