Occult Observer Pillows

"How much should we f**k with her tonight?"

"Hey! Where's that black cat? My ride's ready!"

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

Man changes from angel to devil in police line up.

Tarot Lying

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

The Adventures of God

"He doesn’t say much, but he thinks a lot."

"Yes, that's the tree with all the squirrels from yesterday. And no, I don't know where they are today."

'Thank goodness for clumsy children: A spilt ice-cream!'

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

Magic Act

"What should we do with this extra part?"

Amateur Palmist

'Perhaps I was a bit too graphic in describing the surgical procedure.'

A football game appears on the operating theatres monitor instead of the patients heartbeat.

"Of course I attend the meetings but I'm more of a lurker,"

'Crabs, sharks, octopi...'

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

Chess on TV

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

Bizarre sights.

'Why is there a 'Like' button but no 'Despise' button?'

"You didn't post anything on social media today. So, the church sent someone over to witness miracle."

The whole ambience of the research trip was ruined by Harold's squeaky boots!

'Man, when was the last time you had your eyes tested?'

"Don't look now, but in 3 seconds I want you to very nonchalantly look at my tail and tell me if it's wagging."

"Your life will soon resemble a soggy old clump of leaves."

'Let's arbitrate.'

Minimalism exhibition...

'The doctors said you were so nervous about the operation they had to give you a tranquiliser.'

'I say, it really shows off your astigmatism to its greatest advantage, doesn't it?'

"Good lord! Four of my dearest Facebook friends died last week!"

Oculist.