Absurdist Observer Pillows

'Ok...I was wrong. Things can get worse.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"Hey! Where's that black cat? My ride's ready!"

Crab with a clown face.

Optimist

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

"I see you haven't forgotten how to play with your balls, honey." "Thanks."

Presidential surveillance ass!"

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

"Is it OK if I turn the humidifier up a bit?"

AI Summit

"No, no, your job's not going out of the country to some foreign bastard. We're just firing you."

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Jesus has a Practice Before Raising Lazarus.

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

'Sometimes I think you're on a different planet.'

Department of Belly Buttons - Innies/Outies Tray

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

'Goodness me, Graham! I didn't think you had musical bone in your body!'

'Now just learn to whistle and I'll be rich!'

A well-dressed panhandler holds a sign that reads "Will argue for food".