Occasional Jokester Pillows

The Female Brain and The Other One

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

A crab with a utility knife claw

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

Pelobong

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

Men dancing

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

That isn't what prove you're not a robot means, Bob.

"You idiots … we lost!"

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and with the sun if I've found death, please excuse my morning breath.

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"Remember, the password is case sensitive."

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

The Principal of Inertia.

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'But seriously, folks... Who knows how many blondes it takes to screw in my latest invention?'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

"Your Covid-19 Test Results Are In..."

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'