Occasional Jokester Pillows

The Female Brain and The Other One

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

A crab with a utility knife claw

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

Pelobong

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

Men dancing

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"You idiots … we lost!"

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"Your Covid-19 Test Results Are In..."

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

The Principal of Inertia.

'But seriously, folks... Who knows how many blondes it takes to screw in my latest invention?'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'Existential truckstop'