Obsessed Spectator Pillows

Men watching football as their ship sinks.

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'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"Another CSI spinoff? What's this one called?"

'Now watch our sales increase.'

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

'How come there aren't any peace heroes?'

Chatty, garlic-coffee breath, apathetic, contagious

"The post-touchdown celebrations are getting out of hand."

"Let's stop for a second while my assistant brings me a stiff drink."

Baroque Bach Mountain

Sir Edmund Hillary Arriving Home To His Third Floor Apartment

'I only come to the game for the half time entertainment and snack bar privileges.'

I think when they talk about 'taking more excercise' they meant more than lifting the remote control.

Bad business inc.

"For my next trick, I'll need a non-litigious volunteer."

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

"I'll have a programme and sit on that."

'Ooh look, you've got a free lucky horseshoe with your giant meatballs.'

"Be careful what you say, Senator. Putting your foot in your mouth greatly increases the risk of athlete's gum."

"Hillary Clinton feels that sinners stigmatises people, so from now on, we're to call you service users."

"Oh, he's been counting sheep-shearing shows."

"A movie? I would rather watch this!"

Forever Football Fan

Man on stilts in public toilet.

"You are polling very well with the highly motivated 18 to 26 year olds who never vote."

'Yes, it does make his blood boil - I enjoy it'

'Taxes? They're a penalty for doing well.'

Tea Party is near! REPENT!

"I think he's the guy that invented glue."

"Zagat gave this place a 27 for gawking."

"Jehoshaphat! Look at that gait!"