Obsessed Spectator Gifts

Men watching football as their ship sinks.

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'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

'Now watch our sales increase.'

'How come there aren't any peace heroes?'

Chatty, garlic-coffee breath, apathetic, contagious

"The post-touchdown celebrations are getting out of hand."

Sir Edmund Hillary Arriving Home To His Third Floor Apartment

Baroque Bach Mountain

I think when they talk about 'taking more excercise' they meant more than lifting the remote control.

'I only come to the game for the half time entertainment and snack bar privileges.'

Bad business inc.

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

"For my next trick, I'll need a non-litigious volunteer."

"Be careful what you say, Senator. Putting your foot in your mouth greatly increases the risk of athlete's gum."

'Ooh look, you've got a free lucky horseshoe with your giant meatballs.'

"Hillary Clinton feels that sinners stigmatises people, so from now on, we're to call you service users."

"I'll have a programme and sit on that."

"Oh, he's been counting sheep-shearing shows."

"A movie? I would rather watch this!"

Man on stilts in public toilet.

'Yes, it does make his blood boil - I enjoy it'

Forever Football Fan

"You are polling very well with the highly motivated 18 to 26 year olds who never vote."

'Taxes? They're a penalty for doing well.'

"Jehoshaphat! Look at that gait!"

"Zagat gave this place a 27 for gawking."

"I think he's the guy that invented glue."

Tea Party is near! REPENT!

'Watchin' the world go by, George?'