Observatory Researcher T-Shirts

"We're picking up the birth of a star and the death of a star. The only problem is, it seems to be the same star."

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"I'm more of an 'I like to watch' dog."

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

Unmanned drones.

Gone to seed.

Astronomers using giant telescope to light fires.

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

'We just received a radio signal from Tau-Upsilon that was utter drivel. Do you suppose it was one of their TV shows?'

'I admire your persistence, Melvin, but I'm in love with another woman.'

"You didn't post anything on social media today. So, the church sent someone over to witness miracle."

'Man, when was the last time you had your eyes tested?'

A very young mariner. A young mariner. An ancient mariner.

'He's so fast he has to stop to clean the insects off his glasses.'

Phrenological matrimonial bureau

'Why is there a 'Like' button but no 'Despise' button?'

"Good lord! Four of my dearest Facebook friends died last week!"

Oculist.

If a tweet is sent out and no one signs up to read it, does it exist? Happens millions of times a day.

"Believe me, Alice, you didn't miss a thing. It wasn't even a party—it was a positioning event."

"You're grinding your teeth again."

'I say, it really shows off your astigmatism to its greatest advantage, doesn't it?'

'There, Farnsworth Still think it was my imagination'

First Contact

"You read the exit sign. The eye chart is behind you."

Skeleton studying a fossil.

"It's 6 o'clock. Do you know what's trending now?"

"It is NOT an alien invasion. A moth landed on the lens."

"I've been to all his weddings."

'See that ant, Norm - He is in a world of his own, completely unaware that he is being watched.'

"I have great powers of observation. All I did in school was watch the clock and stare out the window."

"Doc, I'm secretly worried if you improve my girlfriend's vision prescription she'll dump me when she gets her new glasses!"

"Don't play innocent with me lucky. . . I saw you sniffing around that hussy Irish setter!"

"We can now tell the rest of the mice that after testing on lab humans, phones can be an addictive time waster."