Nutty Philosopher Gifts

"Ask yourself 'Am I nuttier now than I was four years ago'?"

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Pigeon Little

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

Ralph spent his Sundays in the park gathering nuts.

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Reverse psychology

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

'Yes, Ralph, they are nuts, but...'

"My schedule is just nuts."

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"It Works For Us."

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

"A nutcracker!! Hey...this thing looks used."

Mixed Nuts

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

'You're allowed up on the couch.'

"I think we are finally ready to buy a house! What's the market like?"

Can we see our way clear to doing something about air pollution?

"After the Great Seagull Reincarnation, we'll spend eternity stealing sandwiches and defecating as we please."

The end is near.

I lactate, therefore I am.

"My mum always said life is like a tin of cat food. You never know what you're gonna get..."