Nutty Professor Gifts

'Jimmy really enjoyed the complimentary beer nuts at Earl's Cafe.'

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

"Okay, that's enough Physics for one day. Take a break and chase your tails."

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

Ralph spent his Sundays in the park gathering nuts.

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

Dog training

'Yes, Ralph, they are nuts, but...'

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

"Professor Zlata! You're just in time to be the planet Neptune!"

"My schedule is just nuts."

'I was tired of my goaty, so I decided to grow a moustache...'

When scientists come out of retirement.

If I move Jen's ortho to Friday, it conflicts with Sam's clarinet, but I can't move that to Monday because Tina has soccer! Ugh, how do I line this thing up? Rubik's Calendar.

Mixed Nuts

"A nutcracker!! Hey...this thing looks used."

Professors Elliot, Lars, and Roth while away the hours till the new semester begins.

"Ask yourself 'Am I nuttier now than I was four years ago'?"

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

"I think we are finally ready to buy a house! What's the market like?"

"He's surprisingly good at small talk."

Discipline at Doggy School

"Let's play grown-ups. I'll be the tenured professor. You can be the per-diem teaching assistant."

"Peanuts? . . . Really?"

'Trust me. With this prosecuting attorney, we do NOT want you taking the witness stand in your own defense!'

"Getting ready for the auditor again?"

Almonds, pecans, pistachios, cashews

The walnut has a brain the size of a dinosaur's.

"This isn't obedience school. This is much more useful."

Chestnut crafts

I still say you're going overboard.

'Do you realize you're not earning any interest on that?'

"Wow, the Puppy School curriculum has changed a lot since we were there: canine history, bone-burying record keeping, farting etiquette. . ."

'Stay! Roll over! Heel! I wish they'd expand the curriculum!'