Nutrition Philosopher Gifts

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Are you SURE they're a good source of potassium?'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Surprise in the salad bowl

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"Is it free-range?"

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

'Any chance of me being recycled Doc?'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'Who cares about content? With a title like this it'll sell millions!'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"They have oat fiber, wheat fiber, and rice fiber, but no moral fiber."

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'