Nutritional Philosopher Gifts

Fat Free Food, Salt Free Food, Cholesterol Free Food and Food Free Food.

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

View to the Future

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

Critisize your weight.

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Surprise in the salad bowl

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

Guy in gym

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

Avocado Timeline

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"Is it free-range?"

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'Any chance of me being recycled Doc?'

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'