Numerically Challenged Gifts

'How can two plus three equal five? Yesterday you said one plus four equal five.'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

Gloat

"Remember you told me to put my client list on my computer."

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

Staff Yearbook

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

"Yo, this should be a two."

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

"Mine's bigger than yours."

The IRS emptied my pouch.

'And you'll be pleased to notice, sir, that we had to eliminate the top of the chart.'

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

'But if you need someone for the intangibles...'

"Amazing deduction, Holmes!"

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

The United States Public Debt.

"I'm doing all I can to make the little things count."

Life on Earth - maths advice.

"The Treasury is fairly sure that the figures in the budget are correct, they might just not be in the right order!"

'Professor Higgenbottom will have the number π and I'll have the number √-i.'