Number Fanatic Gifts

"Tonight we're going to let the statistics speak for themselves."

Scientist counting microscopic things he can see in his microscope

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Evolution.

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Gloat

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

Staff Yearbook

But under a different accounting convention ...

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

"Yo, this should be a two."

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

"Mine's bigger than yours."

Warning: Math Ahead!

'And you'll be pleased to notice, sir, that we had to eliminate the top of the chart.'

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

'But if you need someone for the intangibles...'

"Amazing deduction, Holmes!"

"I'm doing all I can to make the little things count."

'Professor Higgenbottom will have the number π and I'll have the number √-i.'

"The Treasury is fairly sure that the figures in the budget are correct, they might just not be in the right order!"

The United States Public Debt.

Reign Man

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

Consumption Graph.