Number Crunching Wordsmith Gifts

Accounting's poet laureate.

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

Best Seller

We don't call these savage screaming fits. We call them confrontation verbal interfacing.

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"He belongs to a lawyer."

Accountant Manqué

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

A Poet

Football anagram: Curse straw mat (Answer: Marcus Stewart.)

'He never listened to his mother!'

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

You trip on it, you buy it.

Sharp Eyes

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

'I'd better check it for punctuation before you give it to him.'

Bagel problems.

Tom Stoppard

Male On Sunday

Bell Hop

"I just got a huge advance for my first novel. It's about a writer who gets a huge advance for his first novel."

"I'm the writer-in-residence."

'I hear he's quite a recluse - doesn't even have a blog.'

He's very disciplined about his writing, three hours staring at a blank screen every morning and five in the afternoon.

Art Gecko.

'Branding is essential if you're to survive in the Jungle of modern law...'

Beware of a first kiss that speaks volumes.