Nuisance Call Avoiders Pillows

Vending machine says: 'No telemarketers will call' 50c.

'They made it like that so the kids wouldn't bother you.'

'In my experience, life is good most of the time, but come the holidays, they look at me as if I'm a nuisance...'

The stock market sky is falling.

'I could text you...I can fax you...I can email you...I could ring you...Lunch?...I can't make it.'

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

Welcome Sufferers of Stage Fright

"Bloody cold-callers - I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. . .!!"

Even though I'm on the do-not-call-list telemarketers manage to ruin my hibernation again.

Things You Should Know About...

"We were wondering if now would be a good time to panic."

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

'Never fails,,, The second we sit down for dinner,'

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, pollen to pollen, mold to mold..." "He was allergic to everything."

'I hope you don't want to leave a message - he hates messages.'

Hiding From Social Media

It's new from British Telecom, a telephone ignoring machine.

"What abouts...the ones who are allergic to all these service animals?"

'Hank, I think I see why your dog is complaining about the ringing in his ears.'

"I only wish this was the final notice."

Introducing the 1040 - F.I.* Form (*The tax return for the financially incompetent.)

'If the ECG isn't broken then we have problem'

'At the sound of the tone, please leave a message.. unless you're trying to sell me something.'

'I want to see a doctor who understands that I don't want to see him.'

"How many times do I have to tell, you, don't call me at work!"

"No, I'm not interested in a free ski weekend. Please take me off your call list."

"I'm never visiting earth again! Ever since we got back I've been getting nothing but robocalls and spam."

Ring. If that me calling, I'm obviously not here.

"No point going to sleep now."

Other Walks of Shame

Right now, he's in his man cave.'

'Oh, Hi, Fred!...I was just thinking about you'

'Who is this? Could you please stop cold calling me?'

Now here's a place I like

If that's for me, I'm not here. And even if it's not for me, I still wish I weren't here. Ring.