Nuisance Call Survivor Pillows

"Do our ducts need cleaning?"

"I'm never visiting earth again! Ever since we got back I've been getting nothing but robocalls and spam."

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

'So far, the only dreams I've achieved have been nightmares.'

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

"Bloody cold-callers - I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. . .!!"

"... Or, if you're tired of listening to all of these automated options and would like to cancel your call, press 9."

"I'm sorry – you have the wrong language."

On hold, Rick listens to "As Time Goes By" over and over again.

'zzz... nyarrrgh... fwa... ...ack... k... na...graa...' - '' - 'I just had the worst dream...' - '' - 'Oh, b***ocks.' - ''

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

Vending machine says: 'No telemarketers will call' 50c.

"Your car warranty is about to expire..."

'Sorry I'm late for class, but I got lost again.'

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

"Your meeting's over. You can relax you zoom face now."

Education Payroll: 'We're trying to resolve your salary problem or, at the very east, put you on hold for th rest of the day.'

'How can a person meditate with that racket going on?'

Push button for loud noise...

'Gesundheit.'

"If you are angry at being kept on hold, press 1, if you are furious press 2, if you are apoplectic with rage ..."

'Funny how talking to an automated voice system makes YOU sound like the robot.'

Reverend Quinby visits the holdy land

Ten Months Later

"Woopsee! Wrong button. And after you got through all those menus, too! Too bad. Good luck next time! hahaha!"

'This call may be monitored for training purposes, and you'll understand why when the tech can't answer your questions.'