Nude Art Collector Gifts

'Did you know your fly was open?'

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Use your imagination.

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

"He's an abstract artist."

Art Gallery.

"Caricatures $20"

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

"I read 'Art News.'"

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

"What's most exciting about NFTs is the opportunity for dynamic new content."

Private Viewing

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

'...The good news is the Guggenheim has offered $2,500,000 for our chart.'

'I'm very proud of my El Gecko.'

'It's like a piece of music, like Mozart or Beethoven.'

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

"Beats me why but my girlfriend says I have a one-track mind."

In the art gallery

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

Monet in the '90s.

Portrait sweating above a fireplace

"Ah yes… this is Mr Shipley, our new head of strategically placed objects."