Novelty Tech User Gifts

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

Dog Walking Services

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

Raincloud Umbrella

'What clan do you belong to?'

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

Crap from the future.

Advocado

'You're a genius, Hoppy!'

Hay Rides $10

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

Useless add-ons.

Cash Machines From Across the Land

"We used up our planet's energy source and we're here to hijack yours. Where do you keep all your coffee?"

"This new phone app for opening the beer is great, Bruce!"

'Sorry, Frank, I know this is your favourite lake, but I just can't eat fish who smoke cigarettes.'

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

Mohammad's motors

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

'Don't you think it's just a little weird to have a cemetery for houseplants?!'

Electronics: Nooks/Crannies

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

"I'm still not sure if we've hired a creative genius or a complete cretin."

'The New... New, Swiss Army Knife.'

Pirate playing pool using his artificial leg as a pool stick.

Scrooge is visited by the ghost of prehistoric past.

Toenail clipping missile.