Novelty Skills T-Shirts

"Don't let it bother you. The doctor told my wife it would keep her mind sharp if she learned a new skill."

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

Dog Walking Services

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

'What clan do you belong to?'

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

Crap from the future.

'You're a genius, Hoppy!'

Advocado

Useless add-ons.

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Hay Rides $10

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Cash Machines From Across the Land

'Sorry, Frank, I know this is your favourite lake, but I just can't eat fish who smoke cigarettes.'

'Don't you think it's just a little weird to have a cemetery for houseplants?!'

Bathroom Fairy

Mohammad's motors

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

"I'm still not sure if we've hired a creative genius or a complete cretin."

'Cleanliness is next to 'clean room' in the dictionary. Look it up.'

'The New... New, Swiss Army Knife.'

Pirate playing pool using his artificial leg as a pool stick.

'The only problem is they're glued together. So I can't see the watch...or change the dead calculator batteries, but it's guaranteed for life...'

BOOKS ON VIDEO/BOOKS ON TAPE/READ YOUR OWN.

Scrooge is visited by the ghost of prehistoric past.

Toenail clipping missile.