Novelty Novelist T-Shirts

"If he doesn't go nuts first, he'll be the first person to ever write a novel on a cell phone."

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Meet The Author"

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

Victor Hugo

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

The DaVinci Code

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

Dog Walking Services

Reading my Critics

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Honoré de Balzac

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Jean-Paul Sartre

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

John Bunyan

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

"So the white whale was really just a metaphor for your mother's lack of affection?"

Advocado

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

'You're a genius, Hoppy!'

Murder in Apartment 6-K

Hay Rides $10

Iris Murdoch

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'