Novelist T-Shirts

"Remember, now-you're sense, I'm sensibility."

"Yes, but what I really want to do is write children's books."

Novel, Novella, Novellette, Novellini

Young Stephen King

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

"Holy cow! What kind of crazy people used to live here anyway?"

Sherlock Holmes with a magnifying glass.

The phones of Dr. Moreau

'Let me know when you're ready for the Great American tuna fish sandwich.'

'126,000 words done...now I just need to work out what order to put them in.'

'It was a last-minute change, but a good one.'

Story Template

"Chapter One: Call me Scooter..."

'No, go ahead and critique my mss. I'm always ok ... after the initial reaction.'

"If you were to boil your book down to a few words, what would be its message?"

I've got all the words I need for my novel, it's just a case of putting them in the right order.

'It was owned by a little old lady. Legally, that's all I can say. She still owns the intellectual property rights to her story.'

"He's very disciplined about his writing, three hours staring at a blank screen every morning and five in the afternoon."

"Whoops - I Accidentally Pressed 'Elevator Pitch.'"

Meet The Ghostwriter

500 pages and one masterpiece later, Stephan makes a horrifying discovery.

Think.

"'A writer?' she gasped, her perky breasts heaving. 'God I love writers!'"

'He was a great writer'

Man types with beer on his computer.

Hemingway's dog meets Faulkner's Dog.

"I'm sorry-you tapped into something no one cares about."

Stephen Fry.

"I've never written anything, but I think I have a good ear for dialogue."

Steinbeck - stuck on the title page (Grapes of Wrath).

Hardy gets writers block...

"I'm waiting for my imagination to run riot."

'The good news is, you write what you know. Unfortunately, you don't know much.'

Reading my Critics

Philip Roth