Novelty Item Aficionados Pillows

'Doctor, please help...The cat has clawed my girlfriend! I need a bicycle tube repair kit!'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"Wilson, I built this company from scratch!"

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

"Recalculating route..."

"This new phone app for opening the beer is great, Bruce!"

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

"Thanks—I got it off Amazon."

'The only problem is they're glued together. So I can't see the watch...or change the dead calculator batteries, but it's guaranteed for life...'

Elton John

LOL. Larry Lee Oppenheimer is no fan of monogrammed underwear.

Family heirlooms that will never make it onto the mantelpiece.

'Now what?!'

'We have a tour every hour, on the hour, Sir...'

'Please enter your pin now.'

Who'd have guessed that the season's mast have item would be big springy shoes.

'These new metal detectors are great!'

The origin of the Hula Hoop.

Leaking backpack.

"I got it in a novelty shop. But it has decreased loitering around the watercooler with 29%!"

"Krazy straw"

'The valentine card I gave you talks, plays music and flashes lights! Who cares about the message???'

"Mom, dad. I'm LED."

'It even tells time in metric minutes.'

"Rats! It doesn't work...but why?? Why??!!"

The Hooligan.

Live, laugh, love

Thinks Bob: At last, the most practical house pet since the goldfish.

"He must like you. He wants you to share his whoopie cushion."

'I did say we were going to give you transport...I didn't say what sort!'

"I didn't waste lockdown. I did my own facelift."

Spontaneous Combustion Man - Open with care

Carpet salesman, "There's a bit of tyre damage, but not so anyone would notice."

Drinking Hats